BFF - Another Update

My west coast BFF has come and gone. Her trip went beautifully. I'm very content and have been releasing content as I finish it. YAY!

Two Friends

I decided to contact my west coast best friend since we were kind of talking already via Facebook status messages. She'll be here in about two weeks and we've got a great many of fun things planned.

Best Friends - An Update

My life consists two of best friends, one from the west coast and one from the east coast. Both girls add an enormous amount of drama to my life because I do love them. I care about them as if they were truly my sisters.

Guilt

Some evolutionary psychologists theorize that guilt and shame helped maintain beneficial relationships, such as reciprocal altruism. If a person feels guilty when he harms another, or even fails to reciprocate kindness, he is more likely not to harm others or become too selfish. In this way, he reduces the chances of retaliation by members of his tribe, and thereby increases his survival prospects, and those of the tribe or group

Preparing for Winter

I've been working a ton lately which has in turn kept me from being online as much- total bummer.
I'm trying to get as much extra cash as possible for winter because with the Buffalo snow that means that options for going out and doing things is greatly limited and normally I like to cheer myself up by going shopping... even if its internet shopping (**Hint: Sending me Amazon gift cards now is great, I'm starting a stock pile ^_~) 

A Little Update

Last Friday I bruised my 11th and 12th rib (the floating ribs) in a catfight scene. Today I'd still very sore but I've still been going to my pole dance lessons and trying to push through it because i cant just lay in bed. Yes, I understand that I'd probably heal faster if I'd do that but the drama surrounding Annie would most likely perk back up in my brain and I would rather have mental health over physical.

Liars

Liars, they are what's wrong with this world!

We have all been around someone or have even had a relationship with someone who just couldn't be genuine and honest consistently. They bring you to the point when you start questioning everyone's motives, everyone's character. They make you second guess most of what they have said to you, more or less everything that they speak of that hasn't been seen with your own eyes or heard with your own ears. 

Slipping

The past few days have totally ruined my stay positive attitude. I'm getting over it slowly but I have been in quite a slump for the past couple days. I've been trying not to let shit get me down but it's like one thing after another when all I am trying to do is get my life and the lives of those that I care about situated. 

Goodbye To Annie

As most of you know I was dealing with a lot of drama the past two weeks with my friend Annie. Up to and including her psycho boyfriend telling her that I'm lucky he didn't have my address because he would come to my house and kill my entire family (nice right?). Now she's apparently getting back together with him and just expects me to understand that that was a "fit of rage".

Not Pregnant....NOT! NOT! NOT!

Two girls at the club I work at are pregnant. Two of the girls aren't capable of getting pregnant and have been talking about first there is one girl that's pregnant and then there's two girls that are pregnant then everyone's pregnant.

More Drama

Last week I introduced my friend, Annie to this side of the internet because she wants to break up with her boyfriend but cant save any money because he keeps track of every dime she makes. She's been doing great and building wonderful social media following. 

Positive Life

If you want to be happy -- choose to be.

If you dwell on negativity your life is going to be just that.

If you smile on the world, it WILL smile back.

Enjoy the little things, they may be gone someday (Especially people and before you know it).

Do the things that you want to do, because you are in charge of your own life, and if you let other people determine your decisions you may live in regret someday.

Spend time with the people who lift you up, bring laughter to your lips, and who you cannot live without.

Don't over-complicate things. Things are already as complicated as they need to be.

When things get overwhelming and you feel like life is falling apart, remember your blessings - don't focus on the curses.

Remember no one has control over your life but YOU. Make the best of it.

Be content but always strive for more.

Don't be complacent or think you know it all, you always have something to learn.

When you are upset by someone - put yourself in their shoes, try to see their perspective - This will give you the much needed outside view.

Don't wish away any moment, you will never get it back.

Keep it simple, and always remember "Life will go on" regardless of the circumstance.

SMILE no matter what, it makes a difference.

Update

I've been so fucking pissed off lately. Actually, everyone in my house has been on edge but everyone else seems to find the answer to their relaxation in a bottle, a bag of weed or within the realms of sexual exploration.
However, I am not that lucky.

No More Drama.... please?

So, I've just learned that I'm going to have a roommate for "a couple nights". My sister-in-law and her boyfriend/baby daddy just broke up because she's bi-sexual and acted upon those urges while intoxicated. He knew she was bi-sexual and when they'd gotten together supported that side of her (because she never acted on it).

Last 3 Weeks Have Been Crazy!

Over the last three weeks I've been working extra hours and dealing with my two sister-in-laws relationship problems. Unfortunately those issues take priority but that does not leave me a great deal of time for filming. 

I do have a master list of requests that once i get a day to myself I will be addressing.

Thank you to those who've understood and kept in touch even though I haven't been the best with that.
I'm still here, I'm still active.... even if it doesn't always appear that way 

Get Moving - Progress

Over the last 2 years I've been having a pretty sedentary life and about 3 weeks ago I elected to change that and started doing Pole Dancing and today I went in for a "measuring" for modeling gig. I cant believe how I've "trimmed" up.

Words

Over the months that I have been on bubblews I have defined many words because people illustrate that they do not know the definition.

Read More >

Pole Lessons

Today has been so rough. The last two days I've been learning to pole dance. I'm sore, bruised and stiff to prove it. I'm really enjoying it though. I figured that taking these classes and going to the 9 with it might help with my ass shaking, seduction videos and get me in better shape for summer so that I can do some exhibitionism videos too.
Always gotta improve your "craft", right?

All Over - Out Of It

I’m feeling so all over the place today.

Anxiety. Stress. Blessed. Grateful. Guilty. Lonely. Surrounded.

Spanking?

A friend on Facebook said, "I was never spanked and would never spank a child, if you cant use your intelligence to teach a kid right from wrong then they too will in turn use violence to solve problems, hitting a child damages them mentally as well as emotionally and is never OK."

I disagree. Yes, there are children that don't need that type of discipline. However there are children like me or my husband that wont listen to logic and reason or rules. Especially when those rules don't make sense. I was spanked as a child, my husband was spanked as a child. We were hell spawn.

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Money, or Loyalty

A camgirl I really like posted saying that she was unfollowing anyone who still worked for Mygirlfund. That she could not justify associating with anyone who witnessed what she and dozens of others have dealt with because of the site.

Camming: Personal Issues

Over the last few months I’ve been able to really trouble shoot my issues with doing the “live” cam thing. 
What I have come up with is that when I’m (for the most part) physically alone in a room I feel weird talking out loud which greatly hinders my potential as a camgirl.

Blogs

I'm so bad at writing blogs on MyGirlFund so many things violate what can and cannot be said. Some times I really wonder why I even bother to try *pouts*

An Unadventure For Little Morgan

The two year old girl popped her head up around the corner of the living room. Her eyes locking on the stove in the far distance who's flames were licking the bottom of a pan. She licked her lips as she eyed her mother who was working on several commissioned pieces that needed to be sent out that week.

Young Morgan knew that if she got past her mother, getting to her father, sitting at the dinning room table on his laptop. If she got to her father, all she would have to do is give him those big blues eyes and a simple "pwease" and whatever was cooking for a midnight snack in that pan would be half hers!

Morgan was an expert at this, it was one of the things that motivated her to learn to walk. She was "daddy's fatty" even though she was in the 25th percentile for weight. She was "daddy's fatty" because she was always hungry, unlike her older sister who was even smaller despite being 4 years old and never hungry.

She carefully started to move out from the door way to the living room and that's when her mother spotted her
"Nuh uh! Bed!"
Instantly, the two year old Morgan burst into tears but relentlessly returned to bed.

See The Original Here

Wheels In Motion

I've got everything planned out to get into the new apartment and now it just comes down to having enough for the move-in costs. I'm going to be condensing a lot of my stuff down because a bunch of it is going to be duplicates of stuff I already have in Buffalo so there's no real need to have the duplicates :-P
I'm so excited that its like I have ants in my pants, I keep bouncing around wanting to go and get out NOW. Although I could at this point it would be stupid so I'm just sitting around waiting. Thankfully there's enough stuff to pack that I can hopefully keep myself occupied so that I don't drive myself or my family crazy :-P

Short Stories

I have been writing some short stories on Bubblews. Check them out:
Peer Review
Why Does It Always Have To Be Alcohol?
  The Church In The Valley
Winners Do What Losers Don't Want To
Love, Money, and Survival
You Cant Make Me Love Myself
An Average Night For Little Morgan
I Never Thought I Would Be Thankful For The Apocalypse
An Un-adventure In Motherhood

Returning To Buffalo?

I've been living in a studio apartment for the last 11 months and my lease is almost up (THANK GOD!) so I've started looking for a new apartment and I've had HUGE success! I've found several apartments 2x to 3x bigger than my current apartment for half the rent!
The other good thing is that it is in an area that is closer to friends and more importantly family, although I will be leaving part of my family whom I will miss GREATLY but I'm really starting to believe that this move will be better for my overall family health.
I'm so excited, and have already started packing and figure out how to get everything to work. At this point, I really don't care what I have to do to make it work, I will make it work. :-P

True or False: Women view sex differently than men

Over the last few days I've been doing a lot of research into sex and some of the common phrases that circle both sex and pornography. Today the one that had me curious was the sentiment that "women view sex differently than men"

This made me ponder because I think my view of sex is much like a "mans" if I want to have sex with you it is a physical attraction or a physical curiosity. It has little to do with any mental or emotional over or under tones.

Sex is a physical need.
Love is a mental want.

I dislike the thought that a woman cant understand the difference between love and sex. In my opinion that paints a picture of the women being feeble minded.

In a recently study by Meston's lab Cindy Meston, Director of The Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory examine that very question. The study was a questionnaire handed to people between the ages of 18 and 70.

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Excuses

In my experience when you point out the flaw in someone's reasoning for not doing something they get exceptionally defensive. They may even qualify their illogical thinking by saying that you don't understand the definition of excuse.

Read More Of My Original Article

Defensive Behavior

The other day I posted an opinion on Tumblr that a person was more than their body, and the fact that it seems that a great deal of girls are turning to surgery to fix physical problems when the physical isn't really what's bugging them its just what they can fix the easiest.

Over the following days I noticed a few girls (who are getting breast augmentation surgery over the next few months) become exceptionally defensive and spouting that they are only trying to make their outside as "perfect" as the inside.

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Short Story: Love, Money and Survival

Chrissy sat there at her desk, tapping her finger nails on her desk as she looked over at Louis as he curled up and went back to sleep. Her eyes darted to the clock... almost 1pm.

Louis had woken her up early so that she could drive him to all the errands he had to run and still make it to work on time when the clock chimed 7am. He'd ripped her out of bed only to change his mind after she'd showered and gotten ready. He didn't feel like it. He was too tired. Fury rose up in her, she was sick of this.

Chrissy picked up her empty mug and crumbled at the fact that it was out of coffee. Then she'd remembered that he'd "accidentally" taken twenty cash back off of her card when he'd picked up groceries last. So, since he was sleeping and had told her that the money had been in his wallet she got up and snatched up his wallet. Digging through it to find NOTHING. She slammed the wallet back down on his desk, envisioning ripping open his face with her French tipped squared nails.

"I wonder what its like to sleep and know that someone else is going to pay all your bills" she was furious and she really didn't know where to take her anger next. She contemplated waking him. Demanding to know where HER money was. He'd over spent and caused a handful of expenses over the last 11 days that it literally made her ill, but what was she supposed to do?

Kicking him out wasn't really an option. She'd tried before and when things would improve she'd take him back because at the heart of everything she really did love him. It was stupid. He loved cigarettes and alcohol far more than he'd ever love her and she knew that regardless of how he designed it.

Minutes ticketed away where she was literally getting nothing done. Her annoyance was far too high and rent depended on her completing this project but the fact that he spent money he didn't earn so willy nilly without consulting her pissed her off.

Louis had claimed to still have it but since it wasn't where he said it was she knew he'd been sent it on alcohol. She started scratching at her arm, so annoyed.

She felt so helpless, all she could do was work harder. Hide money and pray for the best. It was no way to live... but what other choice did she have?
See The Original Posting

My Husband Doesnt Listen

Today I got a package from Amazon and my husband questioned it.
"You didn't tell me about this you only told me about [Other Item] that came last week"
"I told you about both because the notifications of them came in on the same day while you were at work"

So, this conversation made me wonder was it just not him listening or something more. When I was studying human evolution I learned that men have a hard time hearing higher pitched voices which is normally why women have to repeat themselves or ask "did you hear me?"

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Porn: Good for Society

I read an article on bubblews (www.bubblews.com/news/2103393-porn-the-dangerous-message) which stated that Porn was dangerous, leading teenagers to see these types of interactions and make the wrong choices. It criticized porn stating that it was wrongfully educating teens

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Fetish

A question that I ask a great many guys on MyGirlFund (any that wants to be my friend) is "What is your fetish?" and a great many reply "I don't have one" and then the questioning begins to why I would assume such a thing (as if I'm the odd one. I am the odd one but chances are they don't know that yet! :-P)

Mass Shootings and Video Games

My entire life people have been questioning school shootings and mass shootings alike. People have been trying to find someone to blame.

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Police

When I was growing up I was told that Police Officers were always the people you called. They were there to protect and serve. I was raised under not just a "white privilege" but privileged within that bracket as well so I believed it, until my family was out of office and my legal name was no longer that of my family's. I found out quickly that there seemed to be more corrupt officers than 'good' cops and all of those cops knew of what the 'bad' were doing which doesn't make them good people at all.

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Hopeful 2014

Over the last year my husband and I have been looking to get into a bigger apartment so that I'll have more room to shoot as well as film and he'll have room do actually get his book written, polished and published. We've actually been talking about moving back home (Buffalo) and have been looking at apartments and have discovered that if we are able to get an apartment to approve us then we'd also be approved for a mortgage.