Wednesday, August 25, 2010


I don't really know where to start this blog so I'm just going to pour my guts out and smear them around... I hope that's ok with you.

I've hurt a friend and I feel terrible. Normally I'm the friend that helps everyone but I've finally found someone who's nicer than me and I think I've totally screwed him.
When we started out, he said I didn't have to ask that I knew the answer was yes, but I also knew me. I have a horrible habit of taking things for granted. And I've done it again >_<

I've got new clue on how to make it better. I tried to abuse the friendship less and I ended up making him feel disposable which was not my intention. My intention is to keep all of my friends as long and as close as possible.

I'm very greedy. With things but even more so with people. I like knowing what everyone is up to, I enjoy the constant communication. I just... I don't know what to do.

Welcome to the 21st century... we don't know what to do... so we blog

Thursday, August 19, 2010


Since this blog is about love I'm going to include a lot of things, first is going to be the lyrics to a song and the songs meaning by the artist, because I believe that this is a perfect example of true love and that's what I really wanted to discuss. However, in this area my words tend to fall short so I'll let the experts and artists talk but I'm also going to give you my two cents.

"You hit me once
I hit you back
You gave a kick
I gave a slap
You smashed a plate over my head
Then I set fire to our bed.
My black eye casts no shadow
Your red eye sees no pain
Your slaps don't stick
Your kicks don't hit
So we remain the same
Blood sticks and
Sweat drips
Break the lock if it doesn't fit
A kick in the teeth is good for some
A kiss with a fist is better than none
Broke your jaw once before
Spit your blood upon the floor
You broke my leg in return
Sit back and watch the bed burn"
--"Kiss with a fist" Florence and the Machine

According to the Wikipedia page:
"[This song] is NOT a song about domestic violence. It is about two people pushing each other to psychological extremes because they are fighting but they still love each other. The song is not about one person being attacked, or any actual physical violence; there are no victims in this song. Sometimes the love two people have for each other is a destructive force, but they cant have it any other way, because its what holds them together. They enjoy the drama and pushing each other's buttons. The only way to express these extreme emotions is with extreme imagery, all of which is fantasism and nothing in the song is based on reality. Leona Lewis' song "bleeding love" isn't actually about her bleeding and this song isn't actually about punching someone in the mouth."

Now a word for the experts and...Me!
1. True love conquers all.
They say that this is WRONG! Love is not enough to make a relationship work- it needs compatibility and commitment. (Among other things)
What I say: Love DOES conquer all. If you have true love then you understand how much you want to be with that person, you'll have that compatibility. You'll find that "commitment" and "devotion". If you have true love, then you don't need anything else. Everything else will fall into place, because you'll work together and when true love is met with communication and team work... it won't fail and if it is true love then the communication and team work were there for the beginning... otherwise its not true.

2. When it's really true love, you will know it the moment you meet the other person.
They say: WRONG! It takes just a moment to experience infatuation, but true love takes time!
I say: Partly, they're right. But if its true love no matter how you push each other away, no matter how you lose touch you'll always find your way back to each other. Through dangers untold & hardships unnumbered true love fights its way to the castle beyond the goblin city.

3. There is only one true love in the world that is right for you.
They say: WRONG AGIAN! It is possible to experience true love with more than one person- there are many potential partners you could be happy with.
I say: They're wrong. You can love and experience complete love with anyone, but at the dawn of time every soul was divided into two, your true love is the other half of your soul. If you don't understand that, you've never experienced it. You've never looked into their eyes and found the other half of yourself.

4. The perfect partner will fulfill you completely in every way.
They say: WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! The right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them.
I say: This one THEY ARE WAY OFF! A true love will bend and fulfill you in every way you deserve. You will bend and grow together-- Fulfilling each other. Love is about making each other better.

5. When you experience powerful sexual chemistry with someone, it must be love.
They say: WATCH OUT FOR THIS ONE! ITS TOUGH! Good sex has nothing to do with true love... but making love does.
I say: This one, they're partly right. Everyone's sex life is different. But if its true love then the love and friendship will be there before the sex and that's what will make the sex wonderful and make it worth having.

But this is just my take on it. I've been told I'm a hopeless romantic... I have no idea where they get "hopeless" but maybe they're right on the romantic part. ^_~ Hope you enjoyed reading this if nothing else.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

New Phone! Better Networking!!

First and foremost my happy little sidekick slide finally had her last horray and I had to venture out into the world away from the magic of the sidekick.
Very sad, I know.
However... when one door closes another opens.
My new phone still slides (I love sliding phones ever since their debut which is probably why a sliding sidekick tinkled me pink) My new phone is the MyTouch Slide and because of this beautiful new device I will be better able to communicate with the wonderful world that is... well YOU!

If you haven't already "liked" me on Facebook & join the discussions. I'm looking for suggestions for future shoots, and cool events.

I'm also on twitter so follow me XilliannaX and I'm also thinking about doing a video blog when I travel and do some shoots.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


When I started the explaination of who I am I neglected what I think is the most important part of who I am.
First an foremost, I'm a geek and a nerd.

I love video games
I love table top games (v:tm > d&d)
I'm obsessed with intellectual pursuits just for the sake of knowing.
I've had a palm pilot or other data device since I was 13
I passionately pursue skill and imagination, I find that the mainstream can be a little tame at times
I get & understand math jokes.
I have great devotion to math and economics as wells are history, and philsophy.
I love the world of fantasy and science fiction
I can be a little OCD

Alright I think now you know the basics of how I work ^_~

Sunday, August 8, 2010

About Me -- Explain

The most profound question one can ask themselves is not the meaning of
life, nor that of a higher power. The most profound question is that one
ask themselves "who am I".

I'm an Aquarius and a very stero-typical one at that!
'Aquarius women are referred to as the 'heavenly bohemians,' because
they seem to have their own rules and regulations as to their conduct
and they completely reject others telling them what to do.'

I love technology and gadgets. I'm a big facebook and twitter nut. I've
been told its because I believe I'm more important than I really am. I
just shrug it off.

I am extremely impulsive with my use of money. If I'm out and about I
tend to see something and think of someone I love or care about and will
snatch it up.

I love being surprised and surprising.
I love people and their reactions.
I'm a big animal person, however I don't have good luck with cats or

I have an inquisitive nature that always has me pondering the great
question, "Why?" Devils Advocate is my favorite position to play.

There is no such thing as a stupid question, but the world is full with
inquisitive idiots.

I adore modeling simply because of the free schedule and great people I
get to meet (like you!)

I love trying out concepts, ideas and things that haven't been attempted
or done before.

I am also very upbeat (which is also a sign of my zodiac, look at Bob
Marley!) and love to provide hope to those who feel hopeless.

Life is too short to be sad, do everything with a song in your heart and
a happy thought in your head.

Hope is some extraordinary spiritual grace that God gives us to control
our fears, not to oust them. ~Vincent McNabb

That's probably not everything that I am, but its certainly the
high-lighted points!