BDSM Is ....

Anyone can inflict pain. BDSM is not about pain. BDSM is about power. It is about trust. It is about faith - having faith in someone else. It is about believing - believing in yourself. - Achilles


Picture an S&m scene where the bottom is on the cross. The Top is a Sadist who is very skilled at his craft. When you first read Achilles' statement, you may be tempted to say "BDSM can so be about pain!" I ask you to read it again please. It is the difference between plain hurtful pain and the deep rich realm of our lifestyle. I offer you my thoughts, of how I interpreted his words.

BDSM is about power. Call it control. Call it energy. Call it emotion. It's power. It flows back and forth in many forms and at many levels of intensity. Dominance is about power. So is submission. Choosing to offer someone else control of something that we are quite capable of controlling ourselves is power. Choosing to live by "what we signed up for" is power. Watch or experience an intense scene. The energy is palpable and almost contagious. That's power. Watch a D/s or M/s couple interact - each of them knowing that there is a special bond that makes them different and unique. They have chosen to include a hierarchy as part of their relationship - that's power.

BDSM is about trust. Trust within a relationship is relatively easy to understand. Emotional ties and much communication help that trust build gradually over time. Trust that your partner is there for you. Trust that you are always safe. Trust that your partner's focus is on you, just as your partner trusts you. Trust that you are open and honest, and are receiving the same. Trust that your Top knows what they are doing. Where there is no relationship in place (a "one-off" scene for example) the same kind of trust needs to apply. While it does not have the benefit of time and commitment, it is no less important. The Top must keep the bottom safe. The Top's focus must be on the bottom. The bottom must trust that the Top is knowledgeable and skilled. The Top must trust that the bottom will be open and willing to communicate.

BDSM is about faith - having faith in someone else. We can negotiate everything to death and still not cover every possibility or variation. We place our faith in our Tops, believing that they will know and do what is right. This faith isn't blind. It, like trust, is developed. The Top's knowledge, commitment and actions allow us to have faith in them. "I know He will always keep me safe" is based on faith. We willingly and knowingly put ourselves in the hands of another, believing that this is right and is what we want. We have faith that their skill and knowledge will result in a rewarding experience for us - for everyone. Offering our submission to a Dominant is a beautiful leap of faith, hopefully based on a solid foundation of knowledge and trust. Standing bound to a cross for a scene with a Top who not our Dominant involves faith - that the Top will ensure a good experience for all involved.
BDSM is about believing - believing in yourself. This has been my hardest personal lesson. We are all very special in our own rights. It is often easier to short-change ourselves - it allows our goals and expectations to be set much lower than they can, and probably should, be. By believing that we can rise to our full potential, doors open and new opportunities present themselves. I have been reminded many times by very caring friends that I too have to believe in dove, that my journey and my future are mine to decide. I have discovered that you cannot surrender what you don't believe in. If I don't believe that I am the best that I can be, then I not only sell myself short, but I offer less than I truly am to One who is worthy of nothing less than my best.
BDSM is about a lot of things for a lot of different people. For me, Achilles' statement reflects where I am at in my journey and I can relate to every word. For someone else, my hope is that at the very least his statement is thought-provoking. When we think, we grow. And growth is always a positive thing.

Achilles has another saying that I think ends these thoughts well. "If it were easy, anyone could do it."