What Can Be Said?

More Drama

Tonight I got sucked into drama. I was very proud of myself for still remaining rational, defending myself but not bad mouthing others. I've been really working hard towards that lately, reminding myself that no good comes from it.

Especially since looking back on times when I did "sink" to "that level" it never worked. It didnt solve or sooth my feelings of hurt or betrayal. I could write about each of them in vivid detail, tell you where I fucked up and where I felt justified in my actions but that doesn't solve it and all though I chastise others for not owning their mistakes and apologizing I realize that to those that I greatly hurt I'm still greatly ashamed of my actions and while I can sit here in my bubble of anonymity and telling you how I acted poorly, said things that didnt need to be said... I've never owned those actions to the people they hurt.

Well, that didnt go as planned....

If you've read the previous blogs then you know that I've been dealing with a bit of drama, as well as dealing with "No Money November" as I like to call it because the average person's purse strings tighten right up this month. No worries though... except the surgery my daughter was scheduled for in February got bumped to Friday so that meant running around for her pre-screening and pre-op evaluations. Thankfully I'm a pro at this because the surgery is not new for me personally or me as a mother since I've done this, my eldest has done this and so now its only natural that it was my youngest turn!

This was the plan: Go to bed early Thursday (yay! no club so this was an option) and then get up with Baby Dahl around 4am to pack and get her to the hospital by 6am.

Lets Start From The Beginning.... Again

When I first started this blog I started with a simple explanation because it was my belief that the most important question is not the meaning of  life, nor that of a higher power. The most profound question is that one ask themselves "who am I". A lot has changed since I started this blog over 6 years ago but some things have stayed the same.

Separation

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

It's a statement that gets used an awful lot in our world but it's not always the case.  It's long been taught by the book of love, but even scientists will suggest that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder... if the fondness is there. If the intimacy and closeness is there. Separation can also lead the mind to realize that the person you thought you couldn't live without.... well, you can. It tends to make people realize the motives in their actions towards people.  If those actions are love then it makes the heart fonder.  If the emotions are a little less positive then more realization and self reflection is going to come.

Feeling Like A Performer

The last few days have been shit for money in the club. No one is making money and the feed from the world of strippers I follow vouches that its not just my club, its that season! Tis the season to forget the "average" sex worker. There are still moment though that remind me of what I really enjoy with this industry, the thrill of the performance. The feel of being bigger than yourself and entertaining the eye as art... more than just a person. Tonight I got that, I got performed on stage and all the dancers were bouncing and singing along while all the guys watched. My music was well received and so was I.

Be OK

Good Bye

Words have meaning. They create expectations based on connotations of the words most common usage, typically this is where a misunderstanding occurs.
Due to these misunderstandings and certain choices made on the part of some I have suffered both personally and professionally. 
As a result, these people have elected to end our relationship with very hurtful and untrue words that have made any current or future relationship unsalvageable, to my greatest and deepest compunction.
However, I will not be drawn into senseless or baseless mudslinging and simply wish to put the matter behind me and focus on recovering from the situation and moving forward with my life and my career.

Rocky Horror Picture Show

So this week I've watched the remake and rewatched the original. ****SPOILER ALERT****
Here's my opinion...

Not an Escort

Over the last few days I've been getting a lot of messages asking me to escort and how much I charge to fuck or how a guy gets into my videos. Normally I'd just discount this as "odd" but the frequency it's happening in such a short period of time plus the mutual FB friend that pops up leads me to believe that she's moved from starting drama with Princess and Rumplemintz to me.

Making Myself Crazy

I'm so frustrated with life right now and there's no particular cause there's just so much to do and I constantly feel like there's too much pulling and begging for my time that doesn't get it. I'm constantly left with this mountain of "to do" and so I don't do anything. Like that solves anything but it's easier.

Jealous Little Liars

I think it's rather funny that I make it a point to tell the truth unless its not my truth to tell.

OOPS!

Ok, I've been a bad girl and haven't updated this in a while. I blame MyGirlFund, I used to blog regularly there because if I didn't I'd have lots of people asking for the next installment and well.... the rest of the internet isn't that invested in me I guess. :(