Tonight I got sucked into drama. I was very proud of myself for still remaining rational, defending myself but not bad mouthing others. I've been really working hard towards that lately, reminding myself that no good comes from it.
Especially since looking back on times when I did "sink" to "that level" it never worked. It didnt solve or sooth my feelings of hurt or betrayal. I could write about each of them in vivid detail, tell you where I fucked up and where I felt justified in my actions but that doesn't solve it and all though I chastise others for not owning their mistakes and apologizing I realize that to those that I greatly hurt I'm still greatly ashamed of my actions and while I can sit here in my bubble of anonymity and telling you how I acted poorly, said things that didnt need to be said... I've never owned those actions to the people they hurt.
I'm trying to remember that hard times bring out the worst in people. We all lie and eventually everyone feels sorry for it. What's the point? You made a mistake, justified or not. Living with that, knowing that someone out there still blames you for the hurt that is in their heard it the torture you'll have to live with...
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