Sunday, November 13, 2016
I didn't realize this was a knock out drag out fight until it was too late. She spread rumors about my relationship, my personal self and brought my children into it. I cant sink that low so I only got one "blow" in and that was twisting the arm of a customer to do a dance with me after he'd already told her "no". It hurt her feelings and got under her skin but that's all.
Did not change the way people saw her...
Didn't make people wonder if they could trust her...
I couldn't bring myself to a level I would have sunk a year ago. I'm really trying to be a good role model for my children even if they're actions that they wont see, let alone ever hear about. I want to be more than the idea of good in their eyes, I want the "good person" I am to be the "real" person I am.
People cant be my validation and that's one thing that being in this industry has taught me. It's given me diamond skin, tough and beautiful because I know my worth. I understand that shes in a really bad spot, going through a really hard time but thankfully she has one skill that I didn't have when I went through the same thing. She has that skill and isn't pregnant so I'm hopeful that she will come out the other side of this thunderstorm with renewed spirit and a sense of being that no one will be able to damage. I just hope she is doing well out in the world. I hope she's finding a path that will lead her to a track that she can call "right" and I'll head back to my track that I know is right.
Separate lives some times require separate paths and plans. I've always known that, I just wish she hadn't burned the bridge from her to me but she did, so now all i can do is watch with baited breath and hope she is OK while safe guarding myself from the pain and keeping my chin up.