It’s ok, go a head and pretend you have have any self esteem at all.
That makes almost no sense at all. Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgement of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am competent", "I am worthy") and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame. What the speaker means is positive self-esteem. You cant pretend to have self-esteem, its a feeling. All creatures have feelings, but whether those feelings are positive or negative is what it comes down to.
Nathaniel Branden in 1969 defined self-esteem as "the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness." According to Branden, self-esteem is the sum of self-confidence (a feeling of personal capacity) and self-respect (a feeling of personal worth). It exists as a consequence of the implicit judgement that every person has of their ability to face life's challenges, to understand and solve problems, and their right to achieve happiness, and be given respect.
Types of self-esteem of course include positive, and negative. However it goes deeper than that! It goes into secure vs. defensive. There's also implicit, explicit, narcissism, and threatened egotism.
We're all familiar with positive self-esteem. These are the people that are able to act according to what they think to be the best choice, trusting their own judgment, and not feeling guilty when others don't like their choice. They consider themselves equal in dignity to others, rather than inferior or superior, while accepting differences in certain talents, personal prestige or financial standing. Most importantly they can work toward finding solutions and voice discontent without belittling themselves or others when challenges arise.
We've all met people that are secure and we've all met people who are defensive. A person can have a high self-esteem and hold it confidently where they do not need reassurance from others to maintain their positive self view, whereas others with defensive, high self-esteem may still report positive self-evaluations as all high self-esteem individuals do; however, their positive self-views are fragile and vulnerable to criticism. Defensive high self-esteem individuals internalize subconscious self-doubts and insecurities causing them to react very negatively to any criticism they may receive. There is a need for constant positive feedback from others for these individuals to maintain their feelings of self-worth. The necessity of repeated praise can be associated with boastful, arrogant behavior or sometimes even aggressive and hostile feelings toward anyone who questions the individual's self-worth, an example of threatened egotism.
Implicit self-esteem refers to a person's disposition to evaluate themselves positively or negatively in an unconscious manner. It contrasts with explicit self-esteem, which entails more conscious and reflective self-evaluation. Both explicit self-esteem and implicit self-esteem are subtypes of self-esteem proper.
- Heavy self-criticism and dissatisfaction.
- Hypersensitivity to criticism with resentment against critics and feelings of being attacked.
- Chronic indecision and an exaggerated fear of mistakes.
- Excessive will to please and unwillingness to displease any petitioner.
- Perfectionism, which can lead to frustration when perfection is not achieved.
- Neurotic guilt, dwelling on and exaggerating the magnitude of past mistakes.
- Floating hostility and general defensiveness and irritability without any proximate cause.
- Pessimism and a general negative outlook.
- Envy, invidiousness, or general resentment.
- Sees temporary setbacks as permanent, intolerable conditions