We live in an age in which women have earned complete independence. One would think that neither sex really needs the other except for those sexual urges, but with the new line of dildos, vibrators and a wide selection of porn, do women need men at all? I want to say yes, but being a girl of mostly facts and figures I had to do some research and I found Dr. Nick Neave, an evolutionary psychologist from Northumbria University, who not only states that women not only need men, but are fundamentally programmed to depend on them.
According to Neave it is in our genetics that makes us dependent on men NOT anything men ever did. Women were NOT forced into the original role of wife and mother we put ourelves into the submissive role to maintain a relationship with our male counter part. This comes from a basic need to survive and being programmed to see men as a means to provide, and protect the family our DNA tells us to have.
While I can state that I have worried about a partner abandoning me, I don't agree with Neave that it "terrifies" me. Yet I think I might be slightly the odd duck in this situation. I'd be more terrified that someone who didn't really want to be with me was with me because of X, Y or Z and not an actual love or desire.
Females are smaller and weaker than males so, in prehistoric times, women and their offspring were prone to being the victims of predators, and violence.
They needed the support and protection of men who didn't just have brute force but also had social status in the group, either through their sheer physicality or the strength of their personality.
That's why women still look for a mate of higher social
standing. If a woman had a relationship with a socially dominant male, she would immediately get greater access to resources because her social standing would be elevated, too.
Men have a different reason for choosing a mate. The caveman needed to be sure he was raising a child who was genetically his. The best way of doing this was to secure a mate and guard her so she didn't get the chance to stray. A man's natural instinct may be to have sex with a different woman every day, but to safeguard his relationship (and secure his
progeny), he has been forced into a pattern of monogamy.
When couples meet at speed-dating evenings, typically a man will judge a woman on her looks and
youth. His priorities are whether she's healthy, interested in sex and can give him children one day. He doesn't care how much she earns or her social status.
Typically, however, a woman's first question will be: 'What do you do?' It sounds like a harmless question however what she really wants to know is his social position and earning capacity.
Is he an industrious, hard worker, capable of providing for her and their children? Because of his power, even the ugliest politician on the planet has women lining up to go to bed with him. Were he the local rat catcher, his love life would be a good deal quieter.
In a recent study the University of Toledo presented women with photographs of men. The first group, described as doctors, wore designer ties, and sported Rolex watches. The second wore plain shirts and Swatch watches and were described as teachers. The third group wore Burger King uniforms. Women repeatedly picked doctors as potential boyfriends - even though many of the men in the third category were actually more handsome. Quite simply, to women a man's looks are less important than earning power and social standing.
In another study, male and female medical students were asked to pick their ideal mate from a selection of careers. The majority of men chose nurses. Women, however, picked hospital consultants. This demonstrates that, although every bit as financially successful as their male colleagues, these young women still feel they need men to confer power and social standing to a superior male.
It's no surprise to me that another study by sociologists at Virginia University found that couples are happiest in traditional marriages run on old-fashioned gender lines, where the man is the main breadwinner. The report showed conclusively
that women who worked were more dissatisfied with their husbands than those who stayed at home.
Happiest of all were women whose husbands brought in at least two-thirds of the household income,regardless of how much they helped with domestic chores.
In short I suspect the average women will never feel truly comfortable earning more than their men. They need to rely on a man is driven by such a deep-seated biological urge that a simple feminist movement can't purge it in a generation or two.
A survey by the Skipton Building Society concluded that many women who are the main breadwinner hold it against their partner for contributing less to the household budget than they do. Now this is something I know I've done in times where my partner has been unemployeed and goes out to have fun with friends while I have to sleep or work.
While we might like the material rewards of our high salaries, we dislike the financial responsibility - perhaps reflecting the inbuilt genetic imperative to rely on someone else.
However, I think the reason that I do not fear abandonment is that I understand that in our society men actually fare less well after divorce and are often less happy... but that is a blog for another day!