Words Have Meaning

This blog began as a way for me to explain how my brain works because, at the time of this blog, humans were a mystery to me. No one seemed to think like I thought. No one had the problems I did and I was constantly being told I was "weird", "awkward" or "broken". After years of self-exploration, I've discovered social anxiety, introvert tendencies, ADHD, and depression. I've also learned that each of these things manifested with others can make me difficult to deal with or interact with this, this blog continues. 

On a number of social media apps, I will get random messages from people that "just want to chat" on most social media pages that are attached to me I have a whole section about keeping messages "purposeful", or "business orientated" but really what I'm saying is "Don't pop into my inbox for -no reason- expecting me to validate/entertain or otherwise have a banal conversation with you". That's not who I am and that's not what I'm about. For the simple reason, my brain has a really hard time with conversations that are ordinary and containing nothing that is interesting or important.  This is because of my ADHD but also because of my high IQ and low life expectancy. I value my time a lot more than the average person so if you're looking to meaningless platitudes or insincere compliments, you're messaging the wrong person. I am a person that fully understands the meanings of words. The phrase "words have meaning" sounds really condescending, doesn't it? But for me, I don't know what you mean I only know what you say. 

Most people don't use words according to their actual definition. People prefer the connotations of words. Having spent most of my childhood in a hospital, connotations go right over my head. I, literally, have no idea what you mean. I have to rely on the actual definition and meaning of the word which can make me seem bit bitchy or cunty because I will need further clarification.

"Just wanted to chat" is meaningless for me because there is normally no purpose. I am unable to come up with random dialogue without understanding the motivation of the conversation. Thus normally if someone just messages me "Hi", the response you get is "How can I help you?" because it is the phrase conveys my meaning. 

The average person seems to just want a simple little conversation sometimes flirty and probably progressing to something out of a sexual nature but as a sex worker that complicates things at least on my end because those conversations are normally sold. I charge for my time. Most of it. If your number is not saved in my phone then you'll probably be expected to compensate me for my time UNLESS the conversation is business orientated. 

People pop into my DMs and say "hi" so since I don't know them I'll greet them and ask them what I can help them with... to which most reply "just saying hi" which for an industry professional translates to " I had nothing thoughtful kind helpful or intelligent to say but I wanted the attention" or they'll comment "just looking to chat" which brings us back to them having nothing to say. We're not even going to discuss today that you DONT do this to your father, lawyer, doctor or the guy who makes your lunch. People tend to view sex workers (and some times all women) as "free entertainment". Please forgive me if your intentions are pure and you feel like you're being treated like "just a customer" but if you want to be treated like a friend then that's a seat at my table (or anyones) that you have to earn. 

"Just saying hi" - is a lie, you weren't. Especially if you included a picture of yourself or part of yourself 😉. It's easy to deduce that you were looking for validation and then when you did not receive that you did not know where to go from there so you went to the cop-out. Its a bluff and its a lie. There's no reason to lie, there's no shame in wanting another person attentions. Thats human! Own it. I know our culture belittles people for this, calling them "thirsty" or "simp" or probably a dozen other names that I haven't heard.

Here's a help hint, in case you don't know whether you should be compensating the other person for the time you're using. 

 If you are not compensating the other person for their time then you need to be as "entertaining" as you're expecting them to be. I know this phrase normally pisses quite a few people off because they state that's not how friendship works, but it is. If your friends ONLY came over to watch the game, eat your food and mess up your house you'd feel a little taken advantage of, wouldnt you? Because you're supplying all the entertainment but having to work (clean up) for the items they enjoyed. Dont take people for granted. Dont assume that people owe you their time, energy or creative content unless you're actively supporting them. This doesnt even have to be money. This can be as simple as sharing their posts on twitter or watching their videos on youtube (pornhub).  

For me personally, having spent an entire day of having my inboxes full of "Hi!" and "Just wanted to chat"s... do you know what all these random messages have done.... nothing. There was no brain work, no human interaction, no joy or money exchange. It was literally different selfish people that wanted attention they didn't earn because their life is not adequate for the life experience they think they deserve. Dont be this person.