Saturday, January 21, 2017

Coping: I Forgive You

Life is hard when you love someone that you can't contact because of their own toxicity level. Thankfully, I learned how to cope with this many years ago. I'm a child of the 90's so I had a myspace and LiveJournal. So, I will pour my hurt, and pain here and hope that doing so will help me cope.

I forgive you for hurting me
I forgive you for taking all my pain, weaknesses, & insecurities & using them against me
To tear down my already limited self-esteem
I forgive you for constantly lying
For constantly making excuses
I forgive you for using me
I forgive you for manipulating my love for you into putting up with so many problems
So many red flags
I forgive you for insulting me
For publicly humiliating me time and time again
I forgive you for saying such hurtful, scarring things... for causing so much mistrust
I forgive you for wasting all of my time
I forgive you for having no remorse
I forgive you
What I can’t forgive is myself
For putting up with you
For putting up with your intolerant, judgmental personality "quirks"
For always taking you back without a change in your behavior
For sacrificing my own happiness to make sure that you were happy, even when your sadness was self-inflicted
For never listening to other people’s concerns about how you treated me
For still dwelling on our relationship & the pain you’ve caused me after all these months
For not learning these lessons sooner
For not loving myself
Because that’s what it all boils down to, right? I can't and don't love myself when I love you

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