So what if I'm fucking crazy?

You're a real rare individual?
You're into the physical and the metaphysical?
You understand what I do and understand that I need alone time. How do I explain that is critical?
You want my time and it sounds so hypocritical? Especially when you're not willing to compensate me

The Zooming Maniac Effect

 There are so many different sides of life that things can easily suffer from miscommunication. I'm sure we all have that one person who is no longer in our life because of some stupid fuck up in the words or the silence. So much can be said when nothing is said at all. People get left on read and draw their own conclusions because only their life is real. Only their life matters. Only YOUR life matters, right? Lets sonder, shall we? Are you in a place where you're willing to receive the information that EVERY person you meet has a life is complex vivid and chaotic as your own?

Is there a reason you're like this? Yes. You're human. I know, I was devasted when I found out too. 

Life comes at us fast and sometimes you have to choose whether you dodge or you take the hit. Is it worth the fight? Is this the hill you want to die on? We have loads of phrases that personify the "fight or flight" mentality because that is a purity in our body if not our soul. It's completely separate from our humanity. 

You were with your friends, partying
When the alcohol kicked in
Said you wanted me dead
So, you showed up at my home, all alone
With a shovel and a rose
Do you think I'm a joke?

Sometimes we lose people not because of the people themselves but the choices they make and the people they all have power over their lives. There are lots of stories. Lots of "what if"s. We want to imagine a life where there's a happily ever after and there isn't. You can do everything right and still lose. 

Wait.

What?

Fake or Proper Etiquette

In life, we will have interactions that don't go our way and we will wonder "why". Most Americans will search for blame in others. A dog bites a child and instantly everyone blames the dog, but no one considers for a moment that the child could have "deserved" it. Even say that will probably get me some negative comments, but hear me out.

In life how much disrespect or rude behavior do you tolerate before you lash out. Physically or verbally? No one will scold you for standing up for yourself or no longer allowing the behavior to continue. Does the dog have that option though?

Words Have Meaning

This blog began as a way for me to explain how my brain works because, at the time of this blog, humans were a mystery to me. No one seemed to think like I thought. No one had the problems I did and I was constantly being told I was "weird", "awkward" or "broken". After years of self-exploration, I've discovered social anxiety, introvert tendencies, ADHD, and depression. I've also learned that each of these things manifested with others can make me difficult to deal with or interact with this, this blog continues. 

On a number of social media apps, I will get random messages from people that "just want to chat" on most social media pages that are attached to me I have a whole section about keeping messages "purposeful", or "business orientated" but really what I'm saying is "Don't pop into my inbox for -no reason- expecting me to validate/entertain or otherwise have a banal conversation with you". That's not who I am and that's not what I'm about. For the simple reason, my brain has a really hard time with conversations that are ordinary and containing nothing that is interesting or important.  This is because of my ADHD but also because of my high IQ and low life expectancy. I value my time a lot more than the average person so if you're looking to meaningless platitudes or insincere compliments, you're messaging the wrong person. I am a person that fully understands the meanings of words. The phrase "words have meaning" sounds really condescending, doesn't it? But for me, I don't know what you mean I only know what you say. 

Anal Sex

I've gotten a lot of requests for anal in my lifetime and I'm assuming you know about my career path so you can understand that is "more" than the "average" female. Anal sex regardless of amateur or professional level takes a lot of preparation. While sex takes almost nothing! A little lube here or a little spit there and you're in, proper hydration and you can go for an hour, no problem.

Anal sex is NOT like that. When you watch anal sex in a pornographic clip, anal seems like something you can just decide to do spontaneously, but real-life anal requires much more care and has to be taken a lot more slowly. It can take multiple rounds to reach a point of full insertion and pleasure for both partners. Inserting and pulling out because you found a "dry" spot, applying more lube and doing it again, but ... ope! The second sphincter didn't open or isn't lubed enough.