Mom

My mom has been dead for 2 years and these next 5 days are already feeling like a lot. Anniversary of her death and then the anniversary of her birth.

There is literally nothing that stands that says she was here. The last decade of her life she was just the woman I fell out of.... 

Five days. So much wasted time... potential...

She didnt deserve the life she was forced to live and I worry a lot that I'm beginning to walk in her footsteps.

I draw parallels between her life and mine. Between my daughters and hers.

I wasn't planned and most days I was certain didn't want me. Why do I feel guilty about how her life ended? Why am I allowing her to haunt me?  

You chose me once and didn't abort me but since that moment you never chose me. It could have been you, me and the family I made but you didn't want me. Why was I never good enough for you?